Table for one, please
“I’m not looking for my other half, and I don’t want to be anyone else’s other half. Not ever. Not because I don’t want to experience love and all the magic and wonder that it has to offer, but because I am already whole. ”
On my 20th birthday I found myself completely alone in a small, desolate apartment at the Timberline Four Seasons resort in Canaan Valley, West Virginia. To put it in context, I've only been to a handful of more remote places than Canaan Valley in the United States. I stayed there for 12 weeks during my internship in a nearby power station, but this was only week 2; I knew nobody and there was nothing (legal) for a young adult to do... I felt completely out of place. That Thursday, June 7, 2012, I did my own hair and make-up (anyone who knows me knows what a big deal that is), put some nice clothes and high-heeled shoes, and took myself out to dinner. It was the first time I ever asked for a "table for one" and confidently embraced being alone on such a "big day". Years and many more tables later, I still enjoy sitting by myself as much as I did when I was a naive 20-year old alien in a West Virginia ski town.
Sometimes circumstances, more than preference, isolate us. It can be a divorce, loss, illness, job relocation, exile… any life-altering event that completely alienates us from our comfort zone. To find fulfillment in trying times is especially difficult when we feel (or actually are) alone. Solitude, however, may be a blessing in disguise, but it takes a healthy dose of self-worth to accept and befriend it. Every event will have an outcome, yet the only variable you can control to manipulate the outcome is how you respond to the event. If you are aware of your worth and value to the world, you'll be able to compare your current situation with the "bigger picture" (your life and purpose)... if you happen to be alone, you'll be able to take advantage of your solitude to rise above the obstacles stronger than ever.
We’re approaching a Hallmark holiday where we celebrate all the ways companionship comes to be in our lives. During this time, whether you find yourself in someone’s arms or alone, I want you to take a moment to reflect on your self-love & worth, and how those attributes may have affected the way you responded to loneliness in the past. Have you based your identity on emotional attachments to someone or something? Have you sought for approval for what you want to do from someone else? Have you compared the value of your contribution to society to the recognition you get for it? Do you still, to this day, base your worth on external variables you can't control?
Look within yourself to find all you've been searching in others. Detach your mind from the notion that you have to be present all the time for someone who depends on you (or vice versa) will probably be the avenue to newfound levels of love and appreciation. Remember, you don't need a party, you don't need a buddy, you don't need a date. You are your own whole and embracing that reality will free you to enjoy life to its fullest.
May your company and solitude be equally pleasant this Valentine’s Day.